I FUCKING WROTE FOR 2 HOURS LAST NIGHT AND TUMBLR CRASHED AND LOST IT… #FUCKYOUTUMBLR

pretty patterns in the same old dream

its like that feeling when you were young
you would run as fast as you could through the wintry air until you swore it wasnt cold outside

the little biting frost that leaked in between your glove and jacket didnt even make you cold

you’d fall down on the icey grass and watch your breath float away from you

the smell of snow but none in sight
lights danced in the light breeze

but the cold hadnt beaten you yet and you laid there just watching your warm breath

i just want to sleep

caved

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

these will probably be terribly spaced out..

that’ll work

but what happened there?

i have this vision

of me sitting on my floor against my bed like i am and looking up to see you and your beautiful easy grin with a hand extend towards me or maybe around my shoulder.. just to help, just to see..

and you do this.. but differently- you tell me little things that werent meant to be said but they help piece together my little helpful vision

because im too tired of talking about everyone else…

i need my voice back.. ive bitten my nails to the quick

i need out of myself for once in the last couple months…. because i dont talk anymore, not really

i have everyone listen but i cant talk, why dont i talk anymore?

its like my teeth would break if i tried, everyone else just matters more to me than trying to speak

i need that list

i keep feeling crazy

i keep staying up too late

speak

its natural to be afraid

lately,
ive been feeling as though a heartless little demon has been stopping by my house each evening to spread vasline on my hands and then force me to put my head to a bat and spin until everything is a blur and my slippery vasiline covered hands cant grab onto anything.

until im scared.

im having trouble doing nothing and im having trouble with myself.

all i do is talk of others lately because im too scared to talk about myself and how frightened and apprehensive ive really started to become. i lost that girl who could take care of herself and now i just take care of others to cover it all up.

i cant hold onto anything,

lately.

i’m a modern girl but i fold in half so easily

it’ easy to get confused, it’s easy to be mislead. but it’s harder to convince yourself.

so listen. listen to what they have to say. they’ll help you. she’ll help you, he’ll help you because they care, and you know that. you do.
take everything more easy, take it easy now kid.

cause its not the end of the world, you spilt your milk and you cried but i think its really alright, so listen to me.

make yourself listen. but not just to the words or the actions but everything else and the silence.
the crickets, the air condtioner, the roll of tires against the ground cause..
thats when its really okay.

when you can listen to that and know.
forrestt said it- shit happens. and sometimes it sucks to chalk it up to that but it does and it will and you know what?

your gonna be just fine.

hold you head up, breathe deep and love for real.

you can do that, you’ve proved that already and you know it.